dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it glows. i had to have it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
