I met the friendliest cop last night
my sisters under your porch take her home
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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