She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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