This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
be right there i have to get my cape
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
