Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
