playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Even my vagina gasped.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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