the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
