May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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