i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
