My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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