"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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