hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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