I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
