i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize