I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My vagina just recognized that song.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
