I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
