To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
