The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
