Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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