so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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