This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just blew my weed a kiss
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
