Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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