I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
