Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize