I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
