I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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