I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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