He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
