scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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