the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
