just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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