remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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