i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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