i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
