Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize