Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
50% drunk capacity currently
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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