Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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