Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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