I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize