dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize