I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
