i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
