where am i from again
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
