Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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