..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
