Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
