she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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