mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
