I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You just made me feel so damn special
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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