About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
my liver is dry heaving
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
