Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
