Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I am naked and annoyed.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
