so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
