please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
