We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
