You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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