That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
