we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I fill condoms, not promises.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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