hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
