Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
