Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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