If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
