We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
